Exotic light weight materials which disintegrate on impact requiring high tech devices like air bags were removed and replaced with strong and inexpensive steel. Components which could not easily and cost effectively be repaired by the average person using a standard Sears 64 Piece tool set, were also ruled out. This eliminated the computer which governed everything from the stereo and door locks to the electronic fuel control and ABS brakes. In fact, all of the automated systems were removed. Our highly skilled team of engineers was even able to find a way to replace the power windows with an ingenious crank handle system conveniently located on the inside of the door just below the window,... and those hard to get to and expensive to replace quartz halogen headlights? On the all new Chevrolet Descent, we've replaced those with sealed beam headlights. Just a few turns of a #2 Phillip's head screwdriver and a quick pull on the three prong plug and you're ready to reinstall and hit the road.
The Descent's engine is a 170 horse power cast iron straight six cylinder engineered with durability and simplicity in mind. We've installed a fuel efficient two barrel carburetor, which can easily be rebuilt in an afternoon while watching the game and downing a few cold ones, (alleviating those headaches caused when the $700 electronic fuel computer leaves you stranded
and calling a tow truck.)
But the best feature of the Chevrolet Descent is the price. By simplifying and standardizing the components and eschewing all of the other superfluous encumbrances
mandated by our fascist government,
(and hiring employees who will actually work for less than
70 bucks an hour),
we are able to bring you the all new
Chevrolet Descent for only
designed for today's depression era family,...
(Now if we can just get the government to roll back a hundred of them.)